Useful Tigress Blog

A better world is possible, and we can make it real.

Before Time Travel Was Easy-Peasy 

I want to have this here because apparently the lyrics-crap sites (and boy there’s a genre of website that makes you glad you got ad blocking and NoScript) haven’t picked up on Deltron Event II yet. As long as I’m listening to this song a bunch I may as well transcribe it and have a reference for the lyrics.

Old-Timer 1: Oh the city! Chillin' on the stoop in the future.

Old-Timer 2: You said it, space friend!

Old-Timer 1: Boy, I tell you things these days move too fast! Makes me wanna crack wise about how it was back in the day. Yo, homeless robot! Drop a stupid-ass beatbox.

Homeless Robot: Shit is not going well for homeless robot 235

{old-timer 1 raps}

Before a best seller meant your record went interstellar
Before the impeccable smeller
Before they banned Old Yeller
In the wake of the Presidential dogfucking scandal

When astronauts rocked sports sandals and didn’t have expandable mandibles
And granules of Jack Daniels didn’t heal the wounds of animals
When botanicals still weren’t a biological weapon
In the war with the tarantulas

Back in the day before time travel was easy-peasy
But now I go back, re-rap to make it sound repeaty
Back in the day before time travel was easy-peasy
Back in the day before time travel was easy-peasy
Now we change history like the feat is measly

Stars these days don’t know how good they have it
We used to have plutonium in our jet pack and
We had to take the supertube before it had hyperdrive
Makes me wanna holler! Unh! But we’re still alive!

{miscellaneous robot-abusing chatter}

It’s an interesting bit of world-building, especially since it encourages us to mistrust the narrators a bit - “back in my day” is already a tall-tale genre, and what might people who think it’s acceptable to abuse synthpersons be ignoring about the past?